During the past two years I put on 50 lbs. I'm not making any excuses for this. I just had a very rough two years and combined with depression the weight just packed on.
In August I began a very regimented diet and have since taken off 48 of those pounds. Or at least I had before Christmas. But I got a three week break on the diet over the holidays and have taken every advantage I could possibly take including putting 4 lbs back on. And my ulitmate goal is to lose another 70 lbs. I'm not a small girl.
I'm not sure why I have no will power this holiday. Lord knows I try. I managed to dodge the 5 lb box of See's chocolate that a vendor dropped off. I managed not to eat any homemade Christmas cookies or candy that were brought to work in the weeks before the holiday. But my road to ruin began when an ex-employee dropped off a tin of homemade goodies for me two days before Christmas.
I know, I know, I should have run for the hills. I should have given the tin away without opening it. But, as my mother used to say, if wishes were horses...! I opened the tin and there, to my wondering eyes, were 8 beautiful, yummy, delicious, delicate date bars. Forget about the chocolate christmas tree cookies, forget about the Cuties, and the Hershey's kisses! Just gimme those date bars! I ate every one in two days. And I haven't been able to control myself since.
Oh the Christmas dinner of ham and twice baked potatoes. Oh the rich creamy salad, rolls, and cheesy casseroles. Add a big quiche for breakfast with REAL bacon and I was a gonner. None of that turkey bacon and healthy eggs for me! And to add to all that wealth of food was my sister's famous homemade peanut butter cups and almond roca. Yikes!
I...must...gain...control!!!!!
I restart the diet on January 5th. Between now and then I will figure this thing out! Why I feel the need to mindlessly eat. Or feed my frustrations. I want to find other things to occupy my mind and body. It's not what I'm eating but what's eating me. How many times have I heard that? Right....it's what I'm eating...and eating...and eating...
So on the cusp of 2011 I want to find my voice by using this blog. I want to feel and speak my truths instead of stuffing and eating them. My throat chakra is kicking into high gear and so am I. I will download dance music into my ipod and wiggle and jiggle my body until I can wiggle the weight off. I will hook up my new dvd player and try some of those yoga dvd's I've never even opened. I CAN do this!! I promise... Are you with me??
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