Rejection is Perfection~

I have been rejected by more men than I care to count.  The last time was three years ago and I still have good days and bad days trying to get closure and understand what happened.  I thought he was the love of my life.  I thought it was forever. Even though he didn't treat me as well or with as much respect as I deserved, he treated me better than anyone else ever had.  We were together on and off for almost 10 years.

The last time I saw him he just sort of drifted away.  We had spent, what I thought, a wonderful evening watching a movie, making love, sleeping together.  But he said he had to get up at 5am because he was going skiing with some buddies.  He kissed me goodbye at the door, told me he would call me soon, and I never saw or spoke to him again.  He did not respond to emails or phone calls and shortly thereafter I was sucked into the vortex of caregiving for my parents and didn't have the time or energy to pursue the matter.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years...I was coming out of the caregiving and starting to feel lonely and nostagic.  I tried to contact him and I received a cryptic one line response but nothing else.  I sent a couple more emails and nothing.  So I vowed to myself I would never ever contact him again.  At Christmas I debated whether I should send him a card or note wishing him well.  But I wondered to myself if I was missing him or just the idea of him?

During the holidays I was put in touch with a very wise woman.  This very wise woman told me that where I was in my life was "perfect".  That the fact that I never heard from him was a blessing and all the closure I needed.  She said, "rejection is perfection".  It is the universe's way of telling us that a person or situation aren't right for us.  We shouldn't take it personally and we shouldn't fret over the outcome.  Just bless the moment and move on.

This wise woman also told me that I need to keep my heart open (thus the name of my blog) and welcome all that happens in the future.  That all situations don't happen "to us"...they happen "for us".

So I'm learning to allow.  I'm learning to read emotions.  I'm learning to let go of judgement.  I'm learning that situations aren't good or bad because situations are emotionless.  They just are.  I am learing that situations are blessings and trying to figure out what those blessings are.  And I'm figuring out the next relationship I want in my life.  I'm sparkling when I meet people.  Looking them in the eyes.  Letting my light shine through.  Stating, "hi, my name is Kat".

And I'm staying in my open heart space!